if you had told me that this time last year I will be doing less orders, napping more, stressing less, and not living in survival anymore, I would've laughed in your face! 
thankfully for me I was forced to reset when my son accidentally slammed the boot door on my head, causing a severe concussion. for the first three weeks of that concussion I had no idea what was going on, no idea why I couldn't walk straight m, kept bumping into things, dropping everything, Having major fatigue, so I had to drink three coffees a day to counteract that. Resulting in major anxiety where I did not want to leave my gate!

Three weeks later somebody said I think you've got a concussion so I went straight to my GP and I was confirmed that I had a severe concussion.

But I still didn't understand what that meant, I kept trying to function in Mahi at 100% of my capability that I thought I could do. Pushing through running a Hangi burger stall for my Tamaki Kura, including doing the hangi myself. Said yes to completing a fashion show garment for a highly prestige celebrity, having the incorrect brief from the beginning taking the dress to over 30 hours of mahi, while trying to manage my Tamariki. Still not realising at that stage that the concussion was majorly affecting my well-being the way I worked, organised and basically just how I used my brain cells as I would normally if I didn't have a concussion. Then after saying yes to 10 day pop-up before Christmas trying to manage my Tamariki at after school programs and with family, who must live way up north. By the time Christmas came around, I was a shell of a person, was major fatigue, anxiety and quick to be overwhelmed in a crowded room not knowing how to get my peace back.

Then after the school holidays the worst part of it happened. I could not get out of bed for two weeks. Every time I would sit up to make food anywhere in the house I would get dizzy and nearly fall over. That was the worst for me, never ever again do I ever want to have to go through that or would I ever wished that on any person in this world.

It's taken months of Physio,  Healing,  saying no to protect my peace and my well-being. Focusing hard on my Healing, speaking to therapist, having multiple people helping me get through, and most of all the hardest thing that I've ever done is let people help me. 
While I'm still in concussion recovery, I'm in a much better position. I still nap often, I'm doing things that I enjoy like coaching my daughter's netball team, and we won for the first time this week which was amazing.
The biggest thing that I am grateful for, is that thankfully this concussion brought up another layer of Healing that I didn't know needed Healing. There was still a story running the show in the background unconsciously like I was on autopilot, and didn't realise. I thought I was doing really great but what was really going on was I didn't really value myself. Still somewhere underneath all of the layers of Healing and Healing and trauma, I still didn't think I was good enough. In saying yes to everybody else's request was a way of undervaluing my own well-being, trying to live my life for everybody else's eyes of what they thought of me, not what I thought of myself. because really I didn't think that highly of myself, and if it wasn't for this concussion I would never have known that. So I am eternally grateful to my ancestors, my guides, God, my family and friends and the people around me that show me that I am wonderful, and that who I Am is a miracle. It's okay to make mistakes and learn that doesn't mean I'm a bad person, it's just growth.

I'm here to tell you today that you can do anything, believe in yourself, cause if you don't how can you fully live your life to the forest.

Arohanui Xx